I'm at an age now where if someone asks me how old I am I need to use my calculator to double check which number I'm meant to say and while I no longer really want to acknowledge being born (except to make annual posts celebrating Robin Williams, Chester Bennington and Neil Armstrong because I think I'm funny) it doesn't stop me from watching horror movies about birthdays. I've had my share of shit birthdays but none have topped the following.
HAPPY DEATH DAY 
Dir: Christopher Landon
Cast: Jessica Rothe, Israel Broussard, Ruby Modine
It's Tree Gelbman's birthday and no matter what she does, she finds herself in a 'Groundhog Day' situation where she ends up murdered by someone wearing a giant baby mask and waking up in Carter's dorm room every day. The only way to end the cycle is to work out who is killing her and the list of suspects is fairly long because she's far from pleasant. It might not sound like the deepest of plot lines but it sure does give horror a twist to see just how many ways you can kill off one character.
I love this movie. It's a fun horror-comedy with some great character development as Tree goes from the epic bitch frustrated by what's happening to her to actually having some fun with reliving the day without consequence and eventually becoming a real human being. The sequel is solid as well as the saga continues only this time it takes on more of a sci-fi twist. I really hope we get a 3rd installment!
Alison's Birthday 
Dir: Ian Coughlan
Cast: Joanne Samuel, Bunney Brooke, John Bluthal
16 year old Alison is playing what I can only assume is the Australian budget version of a ouija board using scrabble tiles and a glass with two of her school friends. Suddenly her friend is taken over by a spirit warning Alison to avoid her family on her 19th birthday. It's all very theatrical as the glass smashes into the wall, the windows coming flying across the room and the bookcase falls on top of the friend killing her. Fast forward a few years and its days before Alison's 19th birthday where she's trying to get out of visiting her aunt and uncle but her aunt has lured her in with the "your uncle is sick and doesn't have long" line. Nobody is more manipulative than family. While there, she finds some weird Stonehenge type rocks in the back paddock, her aunt is giving her weird drinks that make her sick and she wakes up in the middle of the night to see a creepy as fuck old lady staring at her and finds out she has a 103 year old great grandmother that nobody told her about. It doesn't take too many guesses to work out what's going to happen at Alison's birthday party. Meanwhile Alison's boyfriend is playing detective and finds out Alison was kidnapped as a baby by this lunatic cult who also murdered her parents all because of the time she was born.
Despite being Australian, I am a huge snob when it comes to our movies but this one wasn't bad. There was a nice bit of Cold Chisel advertisement and I lol'd at the boyfriend tripping on some grass and proclaiming "I wrecked my ankle". He's the hero every girls deserves.
Bloody Birthday 
Dir: Ed Hunt
Cast: K.C Martel, Elizabeth Hoy, Billy Jayne, Andrew Freeman
On June 9th, 1970, in Meadowvale, California, three women have gone into labor during an eclipse. Two boys and a girl are born: Debbie, Steven and Curtis. Ten years later these three kids have grown up to be a pack of wannabe serial killers.
Everyone is fair game as they kill teenagers, their teacher, parents, and try really hard to kill their classmate Timmy. It's debatable who is the worst of the three but Curtis definitely doesn't hide the fact he's enjoying what he's doing and he's got the bigger kill count thanks to his gun obsession. Debbie on the other hand has the smarts in the group. She's got a side hustle making money off the local boys, letting them watch her sister get dressed through a peephole in her wardrobe plus she's also great at manipulating her mother.
It's definitely a movie that makes you want to get a hysterectomy. It would have been cool if there was a little more plot line into how an eclipse creates three homicidal maniacs other than a birth chart. Timmy's older sister is into astrology and explains how the sun and moon blocked Saturn so there's something missing from her personality. Saturn controls your emotions and the way that you treat people so not having it in your chart means you're a psychopath. The more you know.
Happy Birthday To Me 
Dir: J. Lee Thompson
Cast: Melissa Sue Anderson, Glenn Ford, Matt Craven
Happy Birthday To Me is set at Crawford Academy with a group of students who think so highly of themselves they call themselves the 'Top 10'.
The film opens with Bernadette heading off to meet the rest of the Top 10 at the inn. As she gets into her car, someone in the backseat starts to strangle her and while she puts up a hell of a fight and escapes from the back seat, that's where her smarts end. She runs about two cars away and stands by a pillar to cry. A hand grabs out at her and still the most she manages is to squeeze past the pillar and stand on the other side of the van. It's like she wants to be murdered and she gets her wish. Meanwhile at The Silent Woman Inn the rest of the Top 10 have met up for a night of shenanigans which ends with them all seeing if they can make it over the bridge before it rises. One loser willingly trashes his car just to win a $20 bet. Must be nice being a trust-fund kid. New-kid Virginia freaks out so bad from the experience she runs into the bushes in hysterics.
Over the next few days Virginia's new friends go missing one by one and there's a few red herrings including Virginia herself as we find out she's struggling with suppressed memories and black outs. Is she killing her friends, or is it someone else?
1981 was a busy year for birthday horror movies but this is definitely the best of the 3. The writers have really put a lot of thought into the storyline so it's not as one-dimensional as the other films, and delivered an ending I never saw coming. It has a creepy score throughout, there's some creative kills and the makeup effects are really well done.
So there you have it. Some birthday viewing options for whenever your big day is. If you know a birthday horror I should check out leave me a comment!